The Doctor

How to Show Your Best Enemy You Care
Or, five gifts the Master attempted to give the Doctor for St. Valentine’s, and one she accepted.


1. Buy her a dozen roses.

The Doctor held the bouquet at arm’s length, sniffing it gingerly for some sign of poison or explosives or anything else likely to put a crimp on her day. Once she was satisfied that it was merely a harmless armful of roses sprayed with some sort of cheap daisy perfume, she lay them back down in their box, an elegant silk-lined affair that had arrived anonymously that morning. Immediately, as if on cue, the phone rang.

“Aren’t these left over from your business with the Autons?” she said into the receiver, without bothering to wait for an introduction. “Don’t even try to deny it, they’re made of plastic. You didn’t even scent them with the right perfume. And, seeing as how you tried to kill my friend with one of these, I really don’t think they count as a proper romantic gift under any circumstances.”

The other end of the line hung up.


( And Roses Suit You So )